‘AGT’ judge Howie Mandel says his OCD is a 'vicious, dark circle.' Here's how he copes.
When most people quip that they're "a bit OCD," they probably just mean they're a neat freak.
For Howie Mandel, it means much more than that.
Though the "America's Got Talent" judge didn't receive his diagnosis for obsessive-compulsive disorder until his 40s, the 67-year-old says OCD has had a profound impact on most of his life. This OCD Awareness Week, which falls the second week of October, the comedian is partnering with NOCD, a company that provides video-based OCD therapy.
"The word 'suffer' is not even strong enough," he says of his experience with the condition, while speaking over a Zoom call from Las Vegas. "If I think I got a germ on my hand, I can't think or hear anything else. I just have to get that germ off my hand. Then I'll wash my hand ... stay in the bathroom, keep wiping, miss a birthday party, miss an important event, miss work, and I just can't move past this brick wall of horror."
That wall has gotten easier to deal with, he says, thanks to a combination of medication and therapy, but it's still something that's always there − which is why it's frustrating when well-meaning fans claim they experience the same thing, when it's clear they don't.
"A day doesn't go by (without someone saying,) 'I know you're a germaphobe. I got a bit of OCD too.' Well, I don't know that you do," he says. "There's a big difference between being a little bit neurotic and having OCD."
OCD is not that uncommon:Understand the symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder.
What is OCD, or obsessive-compulsive disorder?
According to Mayo Clinic, OCD involves persistent patterns of unwanted thoughts and fears, known as obsessions, that lead to repetitive behaviors, known as compulsions.
Ignoring or trying to stop these obsessions can worsen anxiety, so people with OCD are often driven to perform compulsive acts in an attempt to relieve stress. These patterns can be time-consuming, interfere with day-to-day life and cause significant impairment.
Examples of obsessions include fear of contamination and intense stress when objects aren't orderly or facing a certain way. Compulsions can take the form of hand-washing to the point of damaging the skin, repeatedly checking the stove to make sure it's off or counting in certain patterns.
Mandel recalls how his OCD once drove him to check if a door was locked so many times it occupied him for hours.
"It's just this vicious, dark circle, and it makes you... unproductive, unhappy, depressed," he says. "Sometimes there are people that have this that even end in suicide. It's not a good thing, but the deal is that there is an answer, and there is help out there."
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'I'm traumatized by it'
The onset of the COVID-19 pandemic proved especially difficult for Mandel, who has an OCD-driven fear of germs and famously avoids shaking hands.
The comedian says he coped with the added stress the way he has with many hardships: with humor. Still, he says, laughter can only do so much.
"For somebody who was triggered by germs, COVID was not helpful," he says. "I made a lot of jokes, and people do make jokes, like, 'You were right, Howie. Now everybody needs to wear gloves and wash their hands.' But it was hell and really affected me, and I'm traumatized by it."
There has been at least one upside to the pandemic for Mandel: his podcast "Howie Mandel Does Stuff," which he co-hosts with his daughter Jackelyn Shultz, who's also diagnosed with OCD. He says the two got the idea for the project while finding ways to cope with the stress of early COVID life.
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On the "AGT" set, Mandel says his fellow judges are understanding and considerate of his condition and everyone he works with is "so open about mental health." He also praised his co-judge Simon Cowell, 64, for recently revealing he went to therapy to help treat his depression.
Mandel says it can be especially intimidating for people of his and Cowell's generation to share their mental health struggles.
He hopes that by speaking out he can help change that stigma.
"I think the younger you are, the easier it is to be open about mental health," he says. "The reason I have that strength is because not only me, not only my daughter, but a lot of people are expanding the ability to share."
Plus, he says, the more people acknowledge their imperfections, the more they acknowledge their humanity.
"I feel broken ... but I don't know what perfection is," he says. "I don't know what fixed is. I think that everybody's got a little break in them. I think some people aren't aware of it. ... I don't know that there is perfection with anybody."
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