Vacationing with friends, but you have different budgets? Here's what to do.
Welcome back to Uncomfortable Conversations About Money, a new series where we will tackle topics or situations around money that make you uneasy. We'll outline the problem and try to get you some usable solutions.
The dilemma:
Vacation is a time to unwind and relax. Going away with friends can be a great way to experience a new place together. But what happens when your vacation spending styles clash?
Brittany VanDerBill went on vacation with a friend from college about two years ago.
The two were originally going to go on a beach vacation but then decided on Las Vegas.
They quickly found out that their vacation spending styles were not the same.
VanDerBill said she is willing to spend a little more on accommodations to make sure she’s in a nice and clean location.
Once she’s on her vacation, she doesn’t necessarily set a budget, she said.
"I'm not going to go crazy with spending, but I'm going to go to eat because I don't want to cook dinner while I'm on vacation and I'm going to buy some wine that's way overpriced in a restaurant because it's just vacation, it's convenience,” she said. “So I'm a little bit more laid back, but within reason.”
Before the trip, the friends decided to book some spa services at the hotel. VanDerBill booked the cheapest package, which at $300 she felt was still pretty steep. It included a massage and access to some amenities. Her friend booked a much more expensive, all-day package. VanDerBill said she didn’t mind and hung out while the friend got her extra services.
But the friend was also interested in renting a private cabana by the pool – at a rate of $1,000 a day.
“I did tell her up front, ‘I am not going to split that with you. I would much rather spend that on good massages at home or maybe put that towards another trip or part of that toward a really nice dinner somewhere,’ ” VanDerBill said.
The pair decided not to rent the cabana.
There was also some awkwardness around meals. VanDerBill said she likes to splurge on one expensive meal on vacation and wanted to go to a steakhouse. But the friend didn’t want to go, so they didn’t.
Awkward tension took toll on friendship
In general, there was “just an awkward tension” throughout the trip, VanDerBill said. In addition to different spending styles, the friend wasn’t interested in doing much, yet didn’t want to do things separately, which made it difficult for VanDerBill.
In the end, the vacation took its toll on the friendship. VanDerBill said the two haven’t talked since.
VanDerBill has successfully gone on vacation with other friends whose vacation styles, preferences, and budgets meshed better, she said.
But VanDerBill also said she learned from her Vegas trip that she needs to speak up for herself – and her finances – sooner.
Expert tips to avoid financial friendship stress on vacation
The expert advice:
People have different ideas about how they want to spend time – and money – on vacation, said Nicole Wirick, a Certified Financial Planner and president of Prosperity Wealth Strategies in Birmingham, Michigan.
“We have to realize that different people have different ways of relaxing and recharging” as well as spending, said Wirick.
Wirick put together 5 tips to make sure you can have a financially stress-free vacation with friends:
- Be honest with yourself. Think about your realistic vacation budget. Then add a buffer - she suggests 10% – “because we all know life doesn't go according to plan and sometimes we end up spending a little more than we might have originally intended when we get caught up in the moment.”
- Plan ahead. Have a fund specifically set up for a purpose, like a vacation, Wirick said.
- Communicate and be honest with your travel companions. “Let them know what your budget will be in advance and this is where there can be a little bit of discomfort if your friends are in a different financial situation than you are,” said Wirick. Still, it is much better to have that talk in advance instead of when you’re standing in the spa signing up for an appointment, she said.
- Leverage technology. “Today there’s great technology that can enable you to track expenses via an app so that no one is left feeling like they’re not paying their fair share or that they’re paying too much, which either way can be an uncomfortable situation."
- Enjoy travel. “Spending time with your friends is meant to be fun, so don’t lose sight of that.”
What should you do if there are awkward financial moments on vacation?
So what should you do when you’re in the middle of your vacation and you may be feeling the budget is getting tight, but your friends want to go splurge?
Awkward dining moment:Uncomfortable Conversations: Did you get stuck splitting the dining bill unfairly?
Request separate checks, if possible, suggests Wirick. If not, then use technology or apps to settle up if your friend has spent more than you, she said.
It’s also OK to pass on doing an activity or going to a meal with your friend during your vacation, Wirick said. Wirick said she enjoys and needs some alone time when on vacation, so she may skip an activity and go read by the pool and then rejoin the group for dinner. That allows her to save a little more since she declined something earlier in the day.
“It’s all about balance,” she said.
We want to hear from you
Do you have an Uncomfortable Conversations about Money topic you'd like to suggest? Or would you be willing to be featured in a future story about your Uncomfortable Conversation? Email [email protected] with "Uncomfortable Conversations" in the subject line.
Betty Lin-Fisher is a consumer reporter for USA TODAY. Reach her at [email protected] or follow her on X, Facebook or Instagram @blinfisher. Sign up for our free The Daily Money newsletter, which will include consumer news on Fridays,here.